The King and Myself

Anyone who knows me would tell you that I love all things scary and dark. In fact, when it comes to horror, I have generally read it, seen it and in some cases experienced it. (check that out here: Know Your Fire Exits).

Because of my love for horror and all things dark I have often been asked by people for suggestions for books and movies. But this isn’t always as simple as it sounds. Because to me, there are very few things that are scary or even that dark. In the past I have made the mistake of suggesting horror to people without really knowing what they considered scary and the results have been bad. Because of this when it comes to books, I like to just take the safe route and suggest a classic like Dracula or Frankenstein which are two books that I have a great love for. Or even something much safer, like Stephen King; not because his works are not scary to some, but because now he is such a household name that people generally already know what they are in for.

Since most people have seen or read something by Stephen King this usually prompts the question as to which of his works are my favorite. Well, I have read many Stephen King novels over the years and even though I can tell you my favorite with ease, I think instead I will tell you all a secret. One that could get me killed in the circles that I run in: I really don’t like Stephen King that much…

Now I can already hear you fellow horror lovers yelling “What kind of person claims to love horror but doesn’t want to read Stephen King?” Well, there are a few reasons for that and I could go into all of them, and to be honest I think that a lot of you who have read his work would agree with them. But that will have to be a story for another time.

Because this story is not about Stephen King…

At the beginning of 2018 I got an itch to read a good horror novel. So, I started to search the internet for some suggestions with just one stipulation. No Stephen King!

Well, as it turns out, I am not alone. If you search for great horror that is not written by Stephen King, you will find many people who have created blogs, threads and sites dedicated to exactly this. This was a perfect jumping off point to find the kind of horror that I was looking for and I was pretty successful. Although, I did find a list that had Richard Bachman’s: Rage on there. (For those who don’t know, Richard Bachman is Stephen King’s pseudonym) You know there is no escaping the guy when a list dedicated to books not written by Stephen King still had Stephen King on it…

But I digress, after all, this story is not about Stephen King.

So, I found a list that I liked, the author shared my respect for King’s works, but understood that there are other horror authors out there and some real gems waiting to be found. I actually found many books and authors that I had never heard of! A few of them had multiple horror novels and had clearly made writing their life. All told, I found 3 authors and a total of 7 books that I wanted to read.

I figured I would read all the books by one author then move to the next. The first book I picked up was called Heart-Shaped Box and once finished I knew that it was not going to be the top of my list, but it was enjoyable. If not for the fact that it had a pretty weak ending and a fair amount of fluff that could be erased it would have been really good! Incidentally, this is often how I feel about Stephen King. (Don’t worry. This is not about Stephen King, just realization on my part)

Moving on to the next book by this author I felt the exact same way. There was something about these stories that I kind of liked, both of them weren’t scary, but solid horror, weak endings and maybe not the most original but certainly worth the read. So, before leaving this author and moving on to the next I thought that I would look into more of his publications and see what else he had written.

As I was researching, I was surprised to see that I had actually seen a movie that was based off of one of his books. I was pretty interested and thought to myself that I would read a lot more of his works. But then I saw something odd when looking at his personal information, it said: ‘Joe Hill, born in Bangor, Maine.’ I stopped right there and thought to myself “Maine? Who the hell is born in Maine? The only person I have ever even heard of that is from Maine is Stephen Ki…

“Oh no! … No! It can’t be!” I felt the disbelief overwhelm me. “Could Joe Hill also be one of Stephen Kings pseudonym’s? That would explain the writing! The poor endings! The needless fillers! The lack of overall horror! Did I just get dupped?”

I started to frantically scan his bio until I found it: “Joseph Hillstorm King, the Son of author Stephen King”

(sigh)

DAMN YOU, KING’S!!!

I cannot escape them…

I am always looking for some new horror that is not Stephen King. So if you have any suggestions, let me know!

Ol’ Teddy

Anyone who knows me knows that my favorite president was Theodore Roosevelt, Hands Down. Now, I could sit and tell you hundreds of reasons why I look up to him so much, but since it is the time of year to give some much deserved love to all those who founded our great country,  I thought instead I would tell you a story that my history professor in college told to the class, which led me to one of my favorite sayings and mindsets.

So, for those of you who don’t know, Theodore Roosevelt was born very sickly. In fact, it was thought that he would never make it to adulthood due to his breathing. And this is actually what Roosevelt attributes many of his biggest accomplishments to. He overcame these debilitation by taking on a very strenuous lifestyle of health and fitness. Often when people look at pictures of him, they think he looks portly, but the truth was, he was a big, healthy and powerful man.

During Roosevelt’s presidency a French ambassador came to visit him at the White House. Before he arrived, Theodore found out that this ambassador was into health and fitness, so Roosevelt decided that he would show the ambassador his own workout routine and they could do it together.

When the Ambassador arrived, Roosevelt wasted no time and they started by running around the white house for an hour. They then took to swimming laps in the pool for an hour. Then they did weight training for two hours. After lunch they did more weight and cardio training for two more hours. Then immediately moved into playing tennis.

After all of this Teddy turned to the ambassador and asked “What would you like to do next?” and the ambassador, exhausted and trying to catch his breath, looked up at Theodore and said “If it’s all the same to you, Mr. President, I would like to lay down and die.” To this, Teddy burst out laughing and pat him on the back. Then, together they moved on to the less demanding sport of skeet shooting.

So now any time that I am worn out and there is more that I have to do, I think to myself “If it’s all the same to you, Mr. President, I would like to lay down and die” And I think of Ol’ Teddy just laughing and patting me on the back… because quitting is never an option.

Fun Fact: When President Theodore Roosevelt died in his sleep in 1919, Thomas R. Marshall, the then Vice President, was quoted saying “Death had to take Roosevelt sleeping, for if he had been awake, there would have been a fight.”

If you liked this story, I have another patriotic story for you called: Real Hero’s. Check it out!

Godzuki, The Christmas Iguana

Christmas is here and I have yet another bizarre story for you. This one takes place a long time ago during my senior year of high school. In my school there was a science teacher who I did not know anything about except that he owned a huge iguana. A friend of mine was telling me about it one day and we decided to go check it out. However, this sight was actually very grim. This iguana was about 4 feet long but was sitting in a cage that was only 3 feet long. He could not even turn around in there and I was disgusted to see him like that. So, like the Grinch that I am I started to devise a Christmas heist of my own. Now, the story of his rescue is a great adventure and one that I will share in another post. This post, however, is dedicated to what happened after I got him out.

Once I got him home it was clear that he was very malnourished. I took to trying to nurse him back to health and find him a new home. I decided to name him Godzuki. I didn’t have a cage that could fit the 4 foot Godzuki, so I built him a ring shaped wall in a spare bedroom. However, once he got his strength back, he was always anxious to get out of the room and wander the house; this didn’t bother me at all, since he was a very kind lizard.

Christmas was coming up and my mother was very good at picking and decorating huge trees. On this particular day I had just gotten back from my older sister Jessie’s house who had wrapped my gifts for me (Click the link on the bottom to read about that story as well). When I walked in I went and placed them under the tree. I just finished and stood up to admire how it all looked when suddenly there was movement in the tree and all the ornaments shook. I was reminded of my all-time favorite Christmas movie: Christmas Vacation, and took a step back, nervous of what angry animal could have made its home in my tree.

My staring must have seemed quite odd, because my mom walked up to me and asked “What is going on?”“Where are the dogs?” I asked in return.“I think they are out—.” She was interrupted by the tree shaking again.

We looked at each other until I said, more to the tree than anything, “I am going to get my dogs, and it is going to eat whatever creature is in there.” To this, the tree shook again. My mom looked over at me and said “I don’t think it is scared of your fat dogs.” She and I continued to look deeper until we saw it: A small yellow eye staring back at us. It was a very jarring sight to see a body-less eye starring at me from inside of a tree. However, the more we looked the more his green body started to appear. Camouflaged and hidden one thing was certain… there has never been an animal alive who was happier than he was at that moment.

After this it became a regular occurrence to walk past the tree and see some part of him sticking out. One time I even hung a large Christmas bulb from his tail… He let it sit there for at least an hour. However, Godzuki’s time in his tree was coming to an end. Christmas day was approaching and my mother made it very clear that a lizard in tree in the morning was just not going to work. She told me to lock him up and make sure that he could not get out.

I pulled him out of the tree on Christmas Eve and took him into the spare room. He knew what was in store and wanted no part of it. As I laid him on the ground I felt bad. What he didn’t know when I ripped him from the tree that he loved was that he would never be going back. After this night there would be no more tree to hang around in. As I started to walk out of the room I looked back to see him attempting to climb over the makeshift wall. A few more attempts and he would make it over for sure. The only thing preventing him from getting back to his tree would be the bedroom door. As I reached up to close the door I stopped one last time and looked into the room. He had made it to the top of the wall, but not over it. He was simply stopped. Staring at me. I took my hand off the door and said “Merry Christmas lizard… Go take back your home and make sure to scare Santa and mom when you get there.” And I walked off leaving the door wide open. I attempted to explain my reasons to my mother in the morning, but she already understood… Everyone deserves to be where they want to be on Christmas. I know that is not always possible, but in the case of Godzuki, the choice was easy.

I hope that you are where you want to be.

Merry Christmas.

Not finished with Christmas yet? Well, I have a great story about wrapping presents right here!

A Christmas Favor

Now that Christmas is near, you know I had a fun and funny story for you all.

This story takes place in December of 2007 after the huge success of the Harry Potter series where author J.K. Rowling started to write a different kind of book. It was called The Tales of Beedle the Bard. It was a small book of only 180 pages that was full of fun stories similar to our Mother Goose. In other words, it is a compilation of short stories that a magical parent might tell their child as they are putting them into bed.

Now, My sisters, which I have four, all loved the Harry Potter series and would often give the books to each other for holiday gifts. So, once this small book was released I saw a chance to get them all a very good Christmas gift. I got one for each of them but the focus of this story will be on my eldest sister Jessie.

Jessie, Is the best present wrapper in the whole world! Seriously! She makes my wrapping look like a disaster.

This after 6 tries.

Notice all the Holidays on these gifts, they can be used anytime of the year.

Okay, I admit it, a 3 year old could wrap a present better than me.

Anyways, every time I need something wrapped I head straight to Jessie’s house and beg her to wrap my gifts for me. Deep down she knows that I am terrible at wrapping and she is wonderful at it, so she agrees.

So, there I was about a week from Christmas with my four unwrapped books. I tried to wrap them myself, but the results were… Un-presentable… I really needed Jessie to wrap them, but how do you make a person wrap their own gift without completely spoiling whatever surprise your gift may have brought them? Finally I came up with a plan. If I am going to do this, I am going to do this with style… After all if you are going to make someone do you a silly favor, you might as well get some laughs out of them while they do it.

I went to Jessie’s house with the wrapping paper that I had picked and showed her what I needed wrapped. Now the key here was to not tell her that any of these were for any of the sisters, or else she would piece together where the other three were going. With a little bit of luck and some Christmas fatigue we just might pull this off.

I had her wrap the first three books in bright red paper. But for the last book, her book, I had picked out some pure white paper. When she reached for it I told her “This gift is for someone very special. I know that you have already done me the favor of wrapping these other three, but this one really needs to be perfect. Please, take your time and do it as best as you possibly can.”

She didn’t ask me any questions as she slowly wrapped the book. Taking special care, she made sure that I saw how careful she was being.

She finished and asked for my approval. Her worst work was better than anyone else’s best… It goes without saying that this was absolutely beautiful. “One last thing. Would you mind just writing ‘Merry Christmas’ on the front of this present” I asked as I pulled marker that writes in silver out of my pocket.

She agreed so I continued. “Now, you have to write it very, very carefully! Take your time on each letter and make sure that they are all perfect.” She looked at me oddly before taking the marker.

As soon as she finished writing she looked back at me. “Would you like me to write who this is to?” She asked.

“Oh Yes!” I said. “Write: To Jessie, from Ben.”

She stopped writing and set down the marker. Shaking her head she started to laugh. I also couldn’t help it and busted up laughing. She stopped only to say “You are SO WEIRD!”

Once she was done I took the gift and walked upstairs to put it under her Christmas tree, laughing to myself and thinking: ‘Thanks for having some Christmas spirit and being a good sport Jessie!”

I wanted to give a special thanks to my friend Eric in Tucson Arizona for reminding me of a story that I once forgot. (May a miracle happen and you have a Utah style Christmas with 5 feet of snow)

And of course! I wish all of you a Very Merry Christmas!

Snow Angels?

There is an important series of lessons that every person from my state learns about snow… generally the hard way. I live in Utah and we are known for having “The Greatest Snow on Earth”. Since people come from all over the world to ski here, I don’t think many can argue with that.

Lesson 1) Snow is Unpredictable: A Utah snowfall is not always the ‘let’s go build a snowman and have a cup of hot chocolate’ kind of snow. A Utah snowfall can knock out whole cities for days on end. My story takes place in 1997 in a town about 20 miles from Salt Lake City. Now, in this particular year, we had a snow storm that lasted for 3 days and snowed 58 inches (147.32 cm)… that’s just under 5 feet.

Lesson 2) Snow is Heavy: Although this was odd, it was not completely unheard of, we are on the Rocky Mountains after all. However, on the third day we had a neighbor come by my house and tell us that one of our other neighbors had so much snow on their roof that it has almost collapsed. We really didn’t think much of it until my brother came down stairs and told us all that he could actually hear the ceiling creaking from the weight of the snow.

Lesson 3) Snow is Hard Work to Remove: We knew we had to act fast, but none of us had a clue what to do… I should point out that in 1997 the internet was young and not really used for anything other than… well… it was not used for this. So, we started brainstorming. Our ideas were not exactly plausible. For example: I remember one idea was to get a wooden 2×4, tie a rope around it, then throw it on the roof and pull it down over and over. Sounds like a pretty good idea, right? Keep in mind that I was 13 years old and weighed 95 pounds, throwing a board onto the roof was just asking for disaster… that and we didn’t have a 2×4.

Lesson 4) Snow Causes a False Sense of Confidence: Finally I got it. I will just carefully climb up there and shovel the snow off of the roof… we really didn’t have many other choices here. So, I put on all of my gear and climbed through a window into the cold. I tunneled my way through 4 feet of snow to the peak of the A-Frame roof with my shovel in hand and started to push the snow down. For the most part it would slide down without a fight, but a remaining 6-8 inches was sticking to the shingles. However, after clearing a large patch of snow I was feeling pretty confident up there and decided that I might as well keep going until I got it all off.

Lesson 5) Snow is slippery: Finally, it started to happen! I started to slowly slide downwards. I was still standing on my feet but knew that I was in trouble. I decided that the best thing to do was to start to walk back to the window. I took one step and started to slide faster. Finally I knew I was going down and instinctively drop to my side. I started to pick up speed and hit the powder at the end of the roof that I was yet to shovel. My goal was to jam my foot into the gutter in hopes of stopping myself, but this, like so many other plans I had that day, did not work.

Lesson 6) Powder is Only Powder While it Remains Undisturbed: Feet first I flew off of the roof and landed on top of my mother’s car (which was covered with snow). I was completely engulfed but was not hurt. Now, if you have never been completely engulfed in powder snow then I encourage you to refer back to lesson 6. Powder only has a little give before it becomes a solid wall. And since my head was near the ground, my back, I guessed, was on the bumper of the car and my legs were on the hood I was unable to move at all.

Bonus Lesson) Mom’s Think They Are Funnier Than They Actually Are: After a bit of a panic I heard the voice of my mother calling to me. She must have heard me ‘Yelp’ while falling through the air.

“Ben? Bennnnn? Hellllloooooo!” she called out.

“I am here.” I yelled back.

“Are you making snow angels?” She asked.

Imaging the odd imprint that my body must have left in the snow made me start to laugh.

“Am I dead?” I asked her.

“I will go get your bother.” She said as she left me to my thoughts.

Lesson 7) Snow is NOT to be Underestimated: As I waited for my rescue I had to admit… The snow won this fight, and if the snow wanted to sit on the roof, then that is what it was going to do. Because as I said, everyone in Utah eventually learns these lessons. You can throw snow, you can make it into men or angels but ultimately it is not to be underestimated.

I hope you all have a good and snowy Holiday Season!

I’m Oddly Thankful

Since we are getting closer to Thanksgivings, I thought I would tell you about a unique situation that I am thankful for.

A few years ago I was a member on a board of people who were in charge of about 300 men and women. I will not go into too much detail about that, since it is a story of its own. However, the head of our board was a man named Alan and he was by far the most amazing person I ever had the privilege of meeting. Now, before we get into the story, it is important to point out some of the characteristics that made him so amazing.

He is kind beyond any person I have ever met. He built his life around helping others. He would meet with someone in the middle of the night if he was needed, and he was always there to pick people up when they fell.

He is one of the smartest people I ever knew. There was virtually no subject that he did not know about and he was quick to read about any subject that he was unclear on. However, being as smart as he was, he too, was wise enough to never show off this trait. But everyone could see it in him.

He had made his own way in life. He owned multiple business that were all very successful. Many of these, you would know if I named them. He also owned many small medical clinics that never made him a monetary profit, but they helped so many people that he could never bring himself to claiming those losses and closing them. He owned more money and claims to power than any person could ever dream of… but, he never forgot the times when he didn’t have all of that and he never made others feel like they were inferior to him.

Now that we have defined who this man actually was I need to give a bit of back story in order for my thankfulness to make sense.

During a large conference 175 people crammed into a room and waited to hear Alan speak. He spoke so charismatically I would have guessed that he gave the same talk a thousand times. Part of his lecture was on the long lost art of the hand written thank-you letter… I never forgot this, and it is important to my story.

Soon after this, our group was to disband and we would all go in our own various ways. I knew on this last meeting he would share, not only some grand knowledge, but also a hand written thank-you letter with my name on it. Sure enough on our last day, all of us on the board were handed our very own hand written thank-you letters.

I was so excited that I almost couldn’t wait. Once I was alone in my room I opened the envelope. Inside of it there was a handmade card with a flower on it, which I figured was made by his wife. Once I opened the actual card, I was met confusion:

The card simply read “Dear Ben, It was a pleasure working with you. Also, if you are wondering about the card, it was made by my wife.”

Although it was amazing that he knew I would wonder about the card, this was completely bizarre to me. At first I was felt let down. I felt destroyed. How could this man, who is so amazing and packed with so much wisdom leave me with this? He could have given me some tip to being a successful business owner. He could have reminded me the value of human kindness… Instead I was given some flower card simply explaining its own origins? I was hurt.

However… after a bit of thinking I learned why I should be thankful.

Although the card was not packed with the secret of the universe like I expected, it showed me something far more valuable. Alan was just a normal man. He did not know how to say goodbye. He did not have some movie quality last liner. He didn’t even want this to be the end… just like the rest of us.

And if, as a normal man, he possessed all of these amazing skills like kindness, strength, knowledge and the ability to lead. Well, then perhaps one day, I, as a normal man, could be amazing like that too.

I will always remember his lesson, and will always be thankful.

I hope you all find that odd thing you are thankful for and I hope you all have a happy Thanksgiving.

It’s The Really Not So Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

As you may have seen, I recently posted a Top 10 Halloween Movies list that will really get you into the spirit of the holiday, check that out here.

However, on my list, ‘It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown’ was nowhere to be found. I was already anticipating someone telling me to add it to the list, so I decided to explain why I would not include it on any list.

• It is not a movie. According to the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences a featured film (or ‘movie’) needs to run for at least 40 minutes in order to be called a movie. Charlie Brown is sitting at 25. Which, should not only exclude it from every ‘movie’ list, but also goes hand in hand with my #2 reason
• If I were to include cartoon shorts, there are much better ones that would take its place. Just to name a few: Treehouse of Horrors (Simpsons), Ed Edd N Eddy’s Boo Haw Haw, Billy and Mandy’s Jacked-Up… All of these, I might add, run for 22 minutes. This means that all of these shows are the same kind of contenders as ‘It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown’ making it really just a show.
• If we were to include shows there would be many other options to pick. What about the slutty pumpkin from How I Met Your Mother? Or the Halloween episode from The Office? Or Tricks and Treats from Freaks and Geeks… Bill dressed as a woman… That’s just good TV right there.
• That last reason that this would never go on one of my lists is because it is just plain not a good show. Just because a person watched something when they were young does not mean that it was good. This show was made before there were handheld calculators… In this, and many other cases, old does not equal good.

The fact that this show finds itself on almost every Top Halloween Movie list is the reason that these lists are so skewed. Movies should only be ranked so high by their own merit. Not by the fact that there is nothing else to watch in 1966.

Top 10 Halloween Movies

It’s that time again! My favorite time of the year and my favorite holiday… Halloween!!!

Now, I say time of the year as well as holiday because the actual day of Halloween is only a fraction of what makes this time of year so great. For me, I love autumn, the changing of the leaves, the cooling weather, pumpkins, corn and of course the haunted traditions that have been forged by Halloween.

Since I love this time of the year so much I am always looking for movies that can help really reflect this unique holiday and really get me in the mood to best celebrate the season. This has led me to trying to track down the best Halloween movies out there.

However, there seems to be some confusion in the world about just what a Halloween movie is. Just because something is a horror movie or has some blood and gore does not make it a Halloween movie. Likewise, just because something is dark or noir, does not make it a Halloween movie. Now, I know that there are some Halloween movies that are really all about the blood and gore, with characters like Michael Myers running around who can’t possibly be ignored. But, there is so much more to the holiday season. So, I have compiled a list of the top 10 Halloween moves that will get you in the mood for this amazing time of year.

10.     Blair Witch Project (1999) – This is by a long shot one of the scariest movies that has ever been made… But, it also really gives off the Halloween feel. The story takes place in a forest in the middle of autumn where our group is hunting down some pretty scary stories; and in the meantime they are chased and stalked by a witch located in the woods.

Blair Witch Project is Rated R for language, but it is also very scary. It is not for children.

9.     Earnest Scared Stupid (1991) – This movie might be a bit goofy and a little childish, but it has a very impressive story that will always take you back to Halloween. With a scary forest, a creepy witch and a troll that is stomping around the neighborhood turning the children into dolls, this movie earns its place. Oh, yeah! It is also free on Youtube.

Earnest Scared Stupid is Rated PG for dark and scary overtones. But I believe that most children could handle it just fine.

8.     Casper (1995) – Casper is a classic, since he was the first friendly ghost. This movie is really fun and it all leads up to a school dance on Halloween night in the house that Casper and his uncles haunt. But, in the meantime there are plenty of ghosts and laughs.

Casper is Rated PG for mild language and thematic elements. But I think almost any child could handle it just fine.

7.     Monster House (2006) – This movie is all about Halloween day. Neighborhood kids find themselves lock in an epic battle with a house that they believe is a monster. But, what is great about this movie is the battle that is taking place within our main character as he reaches the point of being too old for Halloween. Should he give it up? Or should he give into his imagination and accept that this house might be eating people.

Monster House is Rated PG for scary images and sequences, thematic elements, some crude humor and brief language. I actually have seen this movie scare some smaller children. Be a bit careful.

6.     Trick-R-Treat (2007) – This movie follows four stories as they intertwine with each other, making one Halloween tale that is packed with all the haunted and evil lore one could hope for. It is a must have on any Halloween list.

Trick R Treat is Rated R for horror violence, some sexuality/nudity and language. It is not for children.

5.     ParaNorman (2012) – This movie was such a great relief to fill that large gap where little or no Halloween movies were being made. It follows Norman, a kid who can see the dead; making him the only one who can battle a vengeful and restless witch, all while running from zombies. What more could you possible ask for around Halloween?

ParaNorman is Rated PG for scary action and images, thematic elements, some rude humor and language, but, I think that almost every child would be just fine watching it.

4.     Halloween – Ah, the franchise that started them all. Since the first one, there have been 9 other movies, from a total of 8 directors. Although a few of them are good, the one’s that I would recommend are either the very first one (1978) or the first one from director Rob Zombie (2007). Both of these correctly tell the classic tale of cursed psycho murderer vs. innocent school girl… and of course, all on Halloween night.

Halloween is Rated R for strong brutal bloody violence and terror throughout, sexual content, graphic nudity and language. It is not for children.

3.     Sleepy Hollow (1999) – This is a great movie all around and will definitely get you in the right spirit. Not only are there witches, haunted woods, mangled and bloody trees, but there is actually a headless horseman running around trying to find a head! Definitely a top contender.

Sleepy Hollow is Rated R for graphic horror violence and gore, and for a scene of sexuality. This is not a movie for children, but I think that most young teens could handle it just fine.

2.     The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) – This story, as the title implies, deals with two holidays, and even though the main focus may not necessarily be on Halloween, the amazing art, design and songs of Halloween-Town will definitely build that Halloween spirit.

The Nightmare Before Christmas is Rated PG for some scary images like monsters under the bed, a zombie with an ax in its head and of course, Santa-napping… which can be a bit unnerving when the Boogie Man starts to sing a song about him never escaping.

1.     Hocus Pocus (1993) – Hocus Pocus is one of the all-around best Halloween movies that there is. The story has witches, curses, black cats, zombies and actually one of the catchiest songs I think I have ever heard. It defiantly deserves the number one slot in my list.

Hocus Pocus is Rated PG for some scary sequences, and for language. However, this is one that I think almost any child could watch. There are a few fun type of jump scares, and a zombie that is roaming around, but all and all, this is a children’s movie.

There you have it, my list. Do you agree with my order? I would love to know what your favorites are, or if you think that I forgot something. Leave a comment and let me know.

Also, I am sure that you have noticed that ‘It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown’ was not on my list. There are a few reasons for this… Come see why right here.

Real Hero’s

After watching the 70^th anniversary of the D-Day Invasion on TV I was reminded of an amazing story that I was told many years ago in a college history class. My History professor’s name was Douglas Stephens; and he was hands down the most America person I had ever met. He always reflected the style of a cowboy: Quiet and calm, but would never hesitate to take action when it was needed. He played football through out high school and college, owned a horse ranch and he taught history at the same high school and college he attended. He was also very religious and very politically active… he also happened to be the best story teller I have ever heard. Now, given all of his many potential titles, we will just call him Doug. For my relationship with Doug, I clung to his every word.

Doug served a Mormon mission in Berlin, Germany in 1978. There he met a man who was not interested in joining the Mormon Church, but all the same absolutely loved Doug and his companion because they were American.

One-day, Doug asked the man why he loved Americans so much. To which the man said “They are the most loving, compassionate, forgiving people on Earth!” Doug was confused by this and asked him to explain. The man told them that the next time they came to visit him, he would tell them an amazing story that they would never forget. Both Doug and his companion were very curious to find out what made this man feel this way toward their countrymen and they counted down the days until they could visit him again.

:: After giving a little background I will tell this story the way that Doug told us and not change anything. I remember it like it was yesterday. But I want to make sure to provide the necessary tools to make this story come to life. ::

Early in the year 1945, the fall of Nazi Germany was inevitable. Hitler had pulled all of his available troops (which were few and scattered) back to defend Berlin. He placed all of his troops around the city, but on the inside of the city he place what was called the Hitler Youth Squad. Generally, the Youth Squads were boys from 14-18 of “pure Aryan blood” However, this was the end and Hitler did not have many troops left. So in early April, the last of the Youth Squad was comprised of any child that they could throw into the ranks. Most of them were not the zealot young soldiers that normally filled the squad’s ranks, but instead, were children who wanted nothing to do with Hitler. Too often do people forget that the first country that the Nazi’s invaded was Germany. Hitler placed these young children at the heart of Berlin with the intention of them being the last resort and defending Germany.

:: So back to the story! ::

After a few days Doug and his companion went back to the man who greeted them with the joy that he always did when they came. Immediately he started to tell his story. I remember it word for word.

“As A child I was forced to be a part of the Hitler Youth Squad. Not because my parents were supporters of his cause, but because there were no other options. Not only would they have been killed for denying Hitler the Youth of Germany, but I would have as well. I only remember the panic and fear as they gave us a gun, but never told us how to use it. They pushed us to the West end of Berlin and told us that we had to defend it. They told us that the Americans and the Russians were coming to kill us. They told us that if we succeed in defending our great city Hitler will give us our own countries and more money than we could possibly spend in our lifetimes. They also told us that God would punish us for not defending our lands and that if we ran, we would be shot!”

“Terrified, we all went to the West end of the city and waited. We waited for about 5 hours before we started to hear the loud roar of the tanks as they approached. Many of the other children were crying in fear. I remember not feeling anything at all; I was 11 years old and death was a confusing concept. Our enemies closed in and we could feel the whole world shake under the tanks as they got closer. As it seemed like the tanks were about to run over us, we saw the first soldier. He was a tall, white American with dark brown hair. He walked up the hill, saw us and stopped in fright. We did not know if we should fire, so we just stared back at him aiming our guns menacingly. The soldier turned and ran back down the hill screaming. We could hear the tanks shutting down and all of the American soldiers shouting in fear. Triumphantly we jumped for joy. We were shouting ‘We’ve won! We’ve won! God is on our side!’

“Suddenly the Americans flanked us. They had us all surrounded and one of them was yelling in German for us to drop out weapons. ‘This is not a game. Drop your weapons immediately!’ He shouted at us. We did as we were told and put our hands in the air. We had heard the stories of our enemy and knew that they would kill us on the spot. The tall solider with brown hair walked up to me and burst in the tears, fell to his knees and with both arms pulled me into a hug. He cried on my shoulder and then pulled us apart and looked at me closely. With tears running down his cheeks he reached over and pulled the Hitler Youth Squad Patch from my coat and threw it to the ground.”

“I looked up the all the other solider, who had lowered their weapons, and who also had tears in their eyes. I remember thinking that we had done something wrong, and that we had failed until I saw one of the American medics run up to one of the children who had hurt himself earlier that day and start to bandage his leg. They gave him chocolate and the men were able to speak German asked him if he was okay. I saw then that they really did stop their advance out of fear, but not because they thought they would die, but because their only other option was to kill children.”

Doug told us that at this point he, the man and his companion were all in tears, when the man said “That is actually not the end. As we enjoyed chocolate and clean water, we started to hear gun shots on the other end of town. Only then did I remember… Half of the youth squad was sent to the east side of the city… Where the Russians were advancing. For us, the Americans saw that we were children and stopped their advance, the Russians did not stop at all and all of the children that I use to play with were killed… The youngest being 8 years old.”

There are endless stories of heroism in war… But stories like this remind me how proud I am to be an American.

Know Your Fire Exits

In the five years that I worked at an HCA hospital, I heard many stories about creepy and spooky happenings in medical facilities. It seems like every hospital shares the same kind of ghost stories, and I never considered them more than that; just stories. However, after this night I had a whole new outlook on fear and acquired my own story to tell. This is my record of a night in the hospital gym.

One of the perks of my job was that employees could have unlimited access to the hospitals weight room. However, the weight room was actually located in a different building on the other side of the parking lot. Since the building closed many hours before my shift ended, a security officer would have to accompany me to the building in order to unlock the doors.

This night started out no different from any other. It was around nine-thirty at night and the building was completely empty. After unlocking the doors, the security officer and I said our goodbyes and he continued his rounds. From the moment that I stepped through the doors something did not feel right to me. I noticed how it seemed to be much darker in the lobby that night than it normally was.

Pressing the button, I waited for the elevators in the silent darkness. It occurred to me that there was normally music playing in the lobby; it was a 24 hour bombardment of horrible music that I never even knew could be turned off. I was debating on skipping out on the gym and going home as I boarded my ride to the bottom floor. I noticed how dark it was inside the elevator, and looking up I saw that the ceiling, which normally housed hundreds of small lights, only had a few that were actually on. As it slowly descended to the basement I started to feel cold and uneasy. I had never really felt too good about this building, but, I kept on course hoping this was just paranoia.

The elevator stopped and the doors opened. I stared into the basement lobby, it was almost pitch black. No lights were on, not even the vending machines or the fire exit sign. I walked over to the large panel of switches on the wall and started to flip them on and off, but none of the switches seemed to do anything. Looking back at the elevators, I saw that even the small ring that surrounds the button was off. The only light I could see was coming from the 150 foot long hallway that goes to the gym. The hallway bends after about forty feet at a 45 degree angle, exactly where my only source of light was flickering in protest. I was sure that the light would go out at any second, but even with it on it was going to be a very dark walk once I got past the bend. I took one last look behind me, and started walking down the hallway.

Right before I got to the light I heard the distinct sound of the large and very heavy hospital doors opening on the top floor. One, right after another, then without being open for more than a few seconds they both slammed closed only a moment apart from each other with a very loud bang. I was feeling very apprehensive at the sounds, but gained a small amount of courage from the idea that there were other people in the building; most likely housekeeping.

I got to the bend and turned to walk around the corner that I have taken a thousand times before, and jumped in surprise: I saw, standing about five feet in front of me, a man that I had never seen before. I froze for a moment, as my mind switched to fight-or-flight mode. However, he did not seem to be startled by me, and in the flickering light I saw that he was a doctor, which brought a degree of relief to my mind. He gave no sign that he was even aware that I was standing in front of him, other than the fact that he did not break eye contact; he did not even seem to blink. I smiled and babble and tell him what a relief it was to see him when he turned to face the opened door that I assumed lead to the hyperbaric chamber, I watched this in confusion. His movement was very strange and very stiff, unnatural enough to make me take notice. First his upper body turned, then his legs, then his head. All the while that his head was facing me he was staring into my eyes. The moment that his head turned, it was almost as if his eyes locked onto something else as he walked into the room which was pitch black. In my mind I justified it by thinking that it was the sleep lab, of course the lights would be off… people are sleeping in there. Later, however, I would remember that the sleep lab was 5 doors down the hall and empty. I started to really question if I should be there, but I had come this far and leaving without a workout just seemed like a waste. As I walked past the door the doctor had entered I looked into the black room and felt a very cold chill creep up my back. I started to move faster, prepared to leave this feeling behind.

I made it to the gym and started my workout; however, I could not get over the gloomy feeling that had followed me since the moment I stepped into the building. Still looking over my shoulder, again I heard the sound of the two large doors opening then quickly closing with a slam. ‘I’ve had it! I’m leaving!’ I thought to myself as I grabbed my things and headed back to the door that led to the hall.

As I opened the door disappointment swept through me. I saw that this time there was no light at all. In its angry attempts to flicker off, the light must have succeeded. I stood with the door open staring into the darkness, when I started to feel that cold feeling I had felt when I met the doctor in the hall. I felt as if there was someone that I could not see in the darkness, but who was watching me. Thinking to myself, there’s no way I am going back down that hallway, I started to pace in the gym. I did not feel right, as though my thoughts were becoming more and more irrational. I thought to myself ‘ah, I can kick out one of these windows and make a run for it… I will just pay for it later, it is better than going back out there.’ I had to shake my head and laugh. There were multiple thoughts like this that were just not logical. The longer I stayed the stranger my thoughts were becoming. Dark and twisted thoughts. At one point my thoughts were that the only way I would ever escape this place was to die. Again, I snapped myself out of it, unsure as to why I was thinking such bizarre and dark thoughts; unsure why it felt like someone else was planting these ideas into my mind.

I decided that the only thing to do was to run down the hallway… through the pitch black. I knew that somewhere near the end of the hall there was a fire escape, if I could only find it. I knew that I had to do it fast. I flung the door open as wide as it could go, giving me as much light for as long as possible. I took off running watching every inch of light that the closing door claimed. The door slammed with a bang and the full darkness of the hallway engulfed me. I could see nothing. All I could hope to do was to continue to run to where I thought the fire escape was. As I passed the door where I had seen the doctor I again heard the large doors slam above me. Immediately I started to get this feeling like something was now in the hall with me. I could hear it, it sounded like a howling wind mixed with the static from a TV. I could feel something as if it was right behind me! A few feet past the bend, I again heard the slamming doors from above. I just kept moving.

I could see it! The outline of the “Fire Exit” sign who’s light was not working. I slammed into the door and pushed it; however, it did not open. I was sure that this was the door so I pushed again as hard as I could. It did not even budge. I felt that whatever was chasing me was almost right next to me. I could feel it. I could hear it. My adrenaline was pumping and I was starting to panic. I took a step back and kicked the locking arm with all my might. The door burst opened and I took off running up to the floor where I came in. I ran outside and my escape was complete.

Stepping out I continued to run to my car, although I immediately felt better having left behind the feeling of fear that seemed to accompany me when I was inside. I looked up at the building from the outside and recollected my thoughts on all that happened. I looked over my shoulder one last time, and got into my car.

Over the next few days I told some of my co-workers about the strange night. Nobody could think of who the doctor was, but every person I spoke with agreed that they have had or heard of strange things happening in that building. Some said they have had the feeling I described, even in the middle of the day. Just about every one of them said that they would not go into that part of the building alone.

About a month later, one of the security officers and I were talking about scary movies when I was suddenly reminded of my experience and brought up the story. He listened with a smile on his face, and when I got to the end I asked if anyone else had told him anything like this since he had been there longer than any other security officer. He laughed and relayed the following story:

“Kind of, maybe your doctor was a cardiologist because about eight years ago one of the other officers was doing his rounds when he walked in to find one of the office doors had been barricaded with a desk and chairs. He called the police right away. Together they were able to pry the door open, where they found a doctor, one that sounds like the man you described, had hung himself in his office. That officer quit the next day.” I grinned because I was skeptical of his story, and told him that I did not believe him. Swearing that the story was true, he challenged me to look it up in the local newspaper archives online. Accepting his challenge, together we looked for any information on the hospital around the time he said… And we found it!!! The story was true… And it was the same man I met in the hall.

I do not claim to have seen a ghost on that night, I only say this: I never went back into that part of the building alone again. And I never will.

A funny little side note to this story. After my bad night, it seemed common for the alarms in this building to go off for no reason. Since alarms were a large part of my job, a security officer and close friend of mine went down to the building to investigate. After searching for a while we found the door in question. It was the fire exit that I used to escape. When the officer looked at it, he said “That’s why the alarm triggers, the whole latch has been broken off.” I sheepishly laughed to myself, since I knew how this could have happened. He then said “It looks like someone kicked this door in or something.” At that point I could not contain it and I burst out laughing… My escape was epic!

This story, and its rights belong to me. Any attempts to copy is stealing!